It's funny.  I appreciated, resonated and enjoyed each day's devotions this past week, but I didn't respond to much to the the Week 3 Bible Study.  So, I'm going to follow my gut here, and focus on one of the devotions.  The only problem is, which one?  Every day this week, I have felt something special come out of the devotion for me personally.  It's hard to pinpoint one to focus on ... I especially like the "Questions to Ponder," at the end of each day, because they have really made me ponder!  They have stopped me in my tracks, forced me to take a deep breath (or 2), and prayerfully reflect.  And that's no small task during the week before Christmas!

During last Monday's devotional (p. 44-45), I found myself connecting with the description of Mary as "perplexed, " and "completely bewildered by the possibility that God regards or notices her."  It's not only teenage girls in ancient Nazareth that experience such reactions, or hold feelings of inadequacy in the face of God.  It's not only Mary, the mother of Jesus, who finds herself wondering, "Me?  Whom am I?  Why am I favored?"  And it's not only Mary, a poor, socially, culturally and religiously marginalized unwed teenage Jewish mother who wonders when God chooses her to do great things, "How can this be?"

We all have moments of wondering (and sometimes even screaming in frustration!), like Mary: "what is God doing with me?"   We all have moments spent wondering about our worthiness in the sight of our family and friends ... and needing to remember that this sense of who we are and our worthiness in the world is about "constructing our identities on the basis of what is expected of us ... defining ourselves through the lens of another, believing that our worth can be decided by those who think they know us."  We all do this, sometimes, instead of recalling and knowing in our heart of hearts that, like Mary: "we are blessed. God sees us and knows us and loves us -- where we are and for who we are."

I just love that.

Now, a questions to ponder:

* John O'Donohue writes:  "One of the deepest longings of the human soul is to be seen."  When have you been seen for who you truly are?  What was that like?

A few times that I can speak to recently (since my appointment to Los Altos UMC) have been in moments of service.  I was helping at one of the St. Luke's feedings on a Saturday morning, both connecting the youth with this servant ministry and just "being one of the helpers" myself.  I remember two different people remarking that I (in my pastoral capacity) was there ... I felt noticed in my servant ministry.  To me, it's a no-brainer.  I serve as a deep, integral part of my call to ministry (not ordained minister per se, but my call as a child of God).  At my heart, I am a servant as a member of the body of Christ.  When I am able to serve God, I feel like I am doing what I was born to do.

This happened again over the summer when a few youth and adults from LAUMC traveled to south central L.A. to help prepare the Rakestraw Community Center as an SSP summer site.  Allow me to just say that the center was in very, very bad condition.  So, we jumped in to help, and we cleaned, scrubbed, hauled, relocated, cleaned and scrubbed ... WORKED.  Pretty soon, I was covered in filth, and someone came up to me, remarking: "Are you sure you want to be a pastor?"  My immediate response was, "Absolutely."  I feel like in that filthy, sweaty, exhausted moment, I was seen for who I am!  Covered in filth, serving with the community in a pastoral leadership role.  To me pastoral leadership is servant leadership.  It is serving alongside the community and leading the community in that servanthood.  And I feel like when I am doing that, being that, this is a glimpse of my human soul really being seen.

what about you?

Merry Christmas one and all.  Hope to see you in worship this evening at Los Altos UMC  (2pm, 5pm, 7.30pm & 10pm)